Marriage Jokes

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Yes we are married too

Marital Jokes

1. When should you love thy neighbor?
– When her husband’s away on business.

 

2. How is a wife like bacon?
– They both look, smell, and taste amazing. They also both slowly kill you.

 

3. What’s the difference between “incomplete” and “finished”??

– A man without a wife feels incomplete. Once married, he’s finished.

 

4. What’s the difference between men and women?
– Women can fake orgasms, but men can fake their entire marriage.

 

5. Behind every angry woman is a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.

 

6. Wife: “Can I spend $20,000 on breast implants?”

Husband: “Why don’t you just rub toilet paper all over your chest?”

Wife: “I don’t get it.”

Husband: “Worked on your ass, didn’t it?”

 

7. Some people say their wedding was the best day of their lives.

– I’m guessing they’ve never had two candy bars fall out of the vending machine simultaneously.

 

8. My partner told me I was rude for yawning when we were arguing.
– I told them I wasn’t yawning, I thought it was my turn to speak.

 

9. What do a wife and a grenade have in common?

– They both leave you hurt when you pull off the ring.

 

10. Which one of your kids will never grow up and move out of the house?

– Your husband.